I must admit that for the last couple of weeks, it has been less than easy for me to have a grateful heart. My mother has been ill and it's been a nightmare just trying to get a diagnosis. The worst symptom by far has been her constant nausea (and no, trust me, she'd better not be frickin' pregnant in her 70s!). It went from maybe something she ate or being tired from a trip to "well, maybe she has pneumonia" to "Oh wow, you've got fluid around your heart" to "wow, the Phenergan still isn't working? Huh. Come back in" to "Well, it could be acid reflux."
To complicate matters, Mom is being puny - and to be honest, I've questioned how much is physical illness and how much is emotionally driven. I don't doubt that she has the physical symptoms, but truly... suck it up. Quit hyperventilating over some of this. And I'll take you to the ER if need be, but I am not paying your copay or treating you like some lotus blossom. I know, that sounds cruel, but you live the 40 years of history, and then tell me I'm a bitch.
So here I am, slightly ticked at this illness that won't go away, slightly ticked at the "(heaving sigh) woe is me" 'tude and PLENTY ticked at the business end of the medical profession - that which requires you to prove you have been through all the what-ifs first.
Here's the deal: FLUID ON THE HEART. You don't mess with it, you order a flippin' test to determine where it's coming from and what the fluid consists of, how it came to be around her heart and how you can keep it at bay. You determine what is physical and what is psychosomatic (if anything). YOU FIND ANSWERS. Or at least not just saying, "Well, I have to do this first, for insurance to cover it."
Here's the thing: I'm grateful I still have my mom, I'm grateful that she's had the same PCP for about 50 years who has treated her at nearly every stage of her adult life (young & single, newlywed, new mother, into middle age, and now as older adult). I'm grateful she has good insurance on top of her Medicare. I'm grateful for so much of that, and I want to have her here and healthier, even if it's just to be foils for each other. Think Claree and Ouiser (I can't decide if I'd rather be Claree or Ouiser!).
Yes, I fight with her. I push her buttons, she pushes all mine as only mothers and daughters can do to each other. And that's precisely why I am fighting like hell for her. I refuse to allow this to consume her, and I will do everything I can to see it doesn't.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Grateful for girlfriends
Throughout my life, I have always had friends of both genders. While at times, my closest friends have been men, I find that the power of girlfriends is a strong, deep bond that I never want to lose.
In my childhood, it was Em and Tee. Em and I had first met in the church nursery, and Tee came along when I was about 6-1/2 or so. Even though our lives diverged in many ways after high school, and we lost the closeness we'd once shared, Em and Tee were my first soul-sisters. The girls who knew my strengths and weaknesses, my highs and lows, who grieved and wept with me and cheered me on. Sadly, we lost Tee to breast cancer a few years back. Let me tell you, if I thought cancer was a thievin' SOB before, losing her magnified that feeling. I haven't seen Em in forever, but I see her sister and mom on occasion and keep up with her that way.
In high school, I had other girlfriends as well -- the girls from yearbook staff, who laughed with me and taught me not to take myself too seriously at all. The friends from across the state whom I met at various conferences.... I just reminisced with one of them that we've been friends for twenty-five years now. Holy frijoles, Batman.......
In college, I met the person who has become the sister that I didn't have biologically. She and I have been through many ups and downs of life. The gifts she has given me -- her unconditional love and acceptance, the offering of sharing her faith, the trust in making me godmother to her children -- are things I treasure so very deeply. I can't begin to say how much she and her family have meant to me -- not just she and her husband and kids, but even her parents, stepparents and siblings have taken me into their lives as well.
One of my other dearest girlfriends is a coworker .... well, she started out as my "boss" in a volunteer capacity, became my coworker later, and has become a dear friend as time has gone on. She too has taken me in as part of her family. Sadly, we haven't gotten together in a long time and I miss her dearly. Our lives have diverged a little over the last few years - she's a grandmother now, and my schedule is crazy. But it's no excuse. I need to reconnect with her and soon!
I have retreat sisters now, twice over. This latest group is so very precious to me, I cannot begin to describe it. We're sharing our joys and sorrows with each other as we're learning to share our faith with each other and with other people.
I have 2 sets of very special heart-friends whom I have met through 'Net connections over the years and I love them dearly. One set came from a roundtable discussion group, four of us ladies and one dear man. The others are the wives of some of my guy friends, and I love them in their own right, not just because I was friends with their husbands. All of them have seen me through good times and bad, and stuck by me through it all.
And I have two or three groups of message-board girlfriends. The ones to which I have drawn closest have been my rock in the last two or three years. I cherish the interactions with them - the fun, the silly, the serious, the quick "hey, just wanted to say..." and the long stories. We see each other through births, deaths, separations from loved ones, medical issues, moves from one place to another. When we got together for a girl's weekend last summer, it was as if we'd known each other all our lives.
Ladies, I'm here to tell you: if you don't have a group of girlfriends, you are missing out on something precious and dear. Yeah, we chicks can be a catty bunch at times, but you know, we can also lift you up when you need it most or hold your basket for you. Know why? We've been there too in some way. We understand what you mean when you say certain things.
Nothing against my guy friends at all - they are just as dear to me, and I love the different perspective they provide. But I would never trade my girlfriends for anything, and that includes the winning lottery ticket.
In my childhood, it was Em and Tee. Em and I had first met in the church nursery, and Tee came along when I was about 6-1/2 or so. Even though our lives diverged in many ways after high school, and we lost the closeness we'd once shared, Em and Tee were my first soul-sisters. The girls who knew my strengths and weaknesses, my highs and lows, who grieved and wept with me and cheered me on. Sadly, we lost Tee to breast cancer a few years back. Let me tell you, if I thought cancer was a thievin' SOB before, losing her magnified that feeling. I haven't seen Em in forever, but I see her sister and mom on occasion and keep up with her that way.
In high school, I had other girlfriends as well -- the girls from yearbook staff, who laughed with me and taught me not to take myself too seriously at all. The friends from across the state whom I met at various conferences.... I just reminisced with one of them that we've been friends for twenty-five years now. Holy frijoles, Batman.......
In college, I met the person who has become the sister that I didn't have biologically. She and I have been through many ups and downs of life. The gifts she has given me -- her unconditional love and acceptance, the offering of sharing her faith, the trust in making me godmother to her children -- are things I treasure so very deeply. I can't begin to say how much she and her family have meant to me -- not just she and her husband and kids, but even her parents, stepparents and siblings have taken me into their lives as well.
One of my other dearest girlfriends is a coworker .... well, she started out as my "boss" in a volunteer capacity, became my coworker later, and has become a dear friend as time has gone on. She too has taken me in as part of her family. Sadly, we haven't gotten together in a long time and I miss her dearly. Our lives have diverged a little over the last few years - she's a grandmother now, and my schedule is crazy. But it's no excuse. I need to reconnect with her and soon!
I have retreat sisters now, twice over. This latest group is so very precious to me, I cannot begin to describe it. We're sharing our joys and sorrows with each other as we're learning to share our faith with each other and with other people.
I have 2 sets of very special heart-friends whom I have met through 'Net connections over the years and I love them dearly. One set came from a roundtable discussion group, four of us ladies and one dear man. The others are the wives of some of my guy friends, and I love them in their own right, not just because I was friends with their husbands. All of them have seen me through good times and bad, and stuck by me through it all.
And I have two or three groups of message-board girlfriends. The ones to which I have drawn closest have been my rock in the last two or three years. I cherish the interactions with them - the fun, the silly, the serious, the quick "hey, just wanted to say..." and the long stories. We see each other through births, deaths, separations from loved ones, medical issues, moves from one place to another. When we got together for a girl's weekend last summer, it was as if we'd known each other all our lives.
Ladies, I'm here to tell you: if you don't have a group of girlfriends, you are missing out on something precious and dear. Yeah, we chicks can be a catty bunch at times, but you know, we can also lift you up when you need it most or hold your basket for you. Know why? We've been there too in some way. We understand what you mean when you say certain things.
Nothing against my guy friends at all - they are just as dear to me, and I love the different perspective they provide. But I would never trade my girlfriends for anything, and that includes the winning lottery ticket.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)